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Informing my boss about nasty remarks about me from a colleague

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Informing my boss about nasty remarks about me from a colleague


How can I deal with my coworker having zero social awareness?How do I deal with a boastful colleague who has inside information from the boss?Cryptic message from colleague - am I about to be fired?Avoiding a colleague from my pastMy manager told me to stop helping a (supposedly) underperforming coworker. What are my options?How do you convince a colleague clean up workspace without being his boss?Addressing colleague that browses sexual content at workoverwhelmed by the reaction from a colleagueMy co-worker is not happy when I do wellDealing with reactions from colleague about being self-taughtTalkative colleague I can’t get away from













15















There is one annoying junior colleague in the office. We are in the same project but on different teams.



For reasons best known to him, he has made a nasty comment about my experience in the industry. He also hijacks my conversations with other colleagues and keeps staring at me whenever I pass by their bay.



I'll be meeting my boss soon. She usually works from remote location and will be soon visiting the office.



I am not sure about my boss's nature. My main intention is to let her know about his nasty behaviour.



I was wondering if I can mention about this junior to her?










share|improve this question



















  • 1





    Did you try to talk to this junior first? What you're going to do is much more like a complain, make sure you have enough reasons for one.

    – Sourav Ghosh
    20 hours ago







  • 1





    Well, is there any reason behind the rudeness? Is he rude to only you or everyone else?

    – Sourav Ghosh
    20 hours ago







  • 4





    I think we are missing some story here. And a question. I think your question is "can I mention this to my boss"?

    – Trevor D
    20 hours ago






  • 1





    Seems duplicate of workplace.stackexchange.com/q/129968/100349

    – Gabrielle
    19 hours ago






  • 4





    A "nasty comment about my experience" could simply be a legitimate or honestly held opinion that you don't like. What makes them "nasty" as opposed to just "not something you like" ? Likewise is "keeps starting at me" just your perception of it or have others commented on this ? You need more than your opinion to raise this with your boss, and we need more details (IMO) to form an opinion and useful advice.

    – StephenG
    9 hours ago















15















There is one annoying junior colleague in the office. We are in the same project but on different teams.



For reasons best known to him, he has made a nasty comment about my experience in the industry. He also hijacks my conversations with other colleagues and keeps staring at me whenever I pass by their bay.



I'll be meeting my boss soon. She usually works from remote location and will be soon visiting the office.



I am not sure about my boss's nature. My main intention is to let her know about his nasty behaviour.



I was wondering if I can mention about this junior to her?










share|improve this question



















  • 1





    Did you try to talk to this junior first? What you're going to do is much more like a complain, make sure you have enough reasons for one.

    – Sourav Ghosh
    20 hours ago







  • 1





    Well, is there any reason behind the rudeness? Is he rude to only you or everyone else?

    – Sourav Ghosh
    20 hours ago







  • 4





    I think we are missing some story here. And a question. I think your question is "can I mention this to my boss"?

    – Trevor D
    20 hours ago






  • 1





    Seems duplicate of workplace.stackexchange.com/q/129968/100349

    – Gabrielle
    19 hours ago






  • 4





    A "nasty comment about my experience" could simply be a legitimate or honestly held opinion that you don't like. What makes them "nasty" as opposed to just "not something you like" ? Likewise is "keeps starting at me" just your perception of it or have others commented on this ? You need more than your opinion to raise this with your boss, and we need more details (IMO) to form an opinion and useful advice.

    – StephenG
    9 hours ago













15












15








15








There is one annoying junior colleague in the office. We are in the same project but on different teams.



For reasons best known to him, he has made a nasty comment about my experience in the industry. He also hijacks my conversations with other colleagues and keeps staring at me whenever I pass by their bay.



I'll be meeting my boss soon. She usually works from remote location and will be soon visiting the office.



I am not sure about my boss's nature. My main intention is to let her know about his nasty behaviour.



I was wondering if I can mention about this junior to her?










share|improve this question
















There is one annoying junior colleague in the office. We are in the same project but on different teams.



For reasons best known to him, he has made a nasty comment about my experience in the industry. He also hijacks my conversations with other colleagues and keeps staring at me whenever I pass by their bay.



I'll be meeting my boss soon. She usually works from remote location and will be soon visiting the office.



I am not sure about my boss's nature. My main intention is to let her know about his nasty behaviour.



I was wondering if I can mention about this junior to her?







colleagues






share|improve this question















share|improve this question













share|improve this question




share|improve this question








edited 1 hour ago









Tas

1,4331117




1,4331117










asked 20 hours ago









SaraSara

12918




12918







  • 1





    Did you try to talk to this junior first? What you're going to do is much more like a complain, make sure you have enough reasons for one.

    – Sourav Ghosh
    20 hours ago







  • 1





    Well, is there any reason behind the rudeness? Is he rude to only you or everyone else?

    – Sourav Ghosh
    20 hours ago







  • 4





    I think we are missing some story here. And a question. I think your question is "can I mention this to my boss"?

    – Trevor D
    20 hours ago






  • 1





    Seems duplicate of workplace.stackexchange.com/q/129968/100349

    – Gabrielle
    19 hours ago






  • 4





    A "nasty comment about my experience" could simply be a legitimate or honestly held opinion that you don't like. What makes them "nasty" as opposed to just "not something you like" ? Likewise is "keeps starting at me" just your perception of it or have others commented on this ? You need more than your opinion to raise this with your boss, and we need more details (IMO) to form an opinion and useful advice.

    – StephenG
    9 hours ago












  • 1





    Did you try to talk to this junior first? What you're going to do is much more like a complain, make sure you have enough reasons for one.

    – Sourav Ghosh
    20 hours ago







  • 1





    Well, is there any reason behind the rudeness? Is he rude to only you or everyone else?

    – Sourav Ghosh
    20 hours ago







  • 4





    I think we are missing some story here. And a question. I think your question is "can I mention this to my boss"?

    – Trevor D
    20 hours ago






  • 1





    Seems duplicate of workplace.stackexchange.com/q/129968/100349

    – Gabrielle
    19 hours ago






  • 4





    A "nasty comment about my experience" could simply be a legitimate or honestly held opinion that you don't like. What makes them "nasty" as opposed to just "not something you like" ? Likewise is "keeps starting at me" just your perception of it or have others commented on this ? You need more than your opinion to raise this with your boss, and we need more details (IMO) to form an opinion and useful advice.

    – StephenG
    9 hours ago







1




1





Did you try to talk to this junior first? What you're going to do is much more like a complain, make sure you have enough reasons for one.

– Sourav Ghosh
20 hours ago






Did you try to talk to this junior first? What you're going to do is much more like a complain, make sure you have enough reasons for one.

– Sourav Ghosh
20 hours ago





1




1





Well, is there any reason behind the rudeness? Is he rude to only you or everyone else?

– Sourav Ghosh
20 hours ago






Well, is there any reason behind the rudeness? Is he rude to only you or everyone else?

– Sourav Ghosh
20 hours ago





4




4





I think we are missing some story here. And a question. I think your question is "can I mention this to my boss"?

– Trevor D
20 hours ago





I think we are missing some story here. And a question. I think your question is "can I mention this to my boss"?

– Trevor D
20 hours ago




1




1





Seems duplicate of workplace.stackexchange.com/q/129968/100349

– Gabrielle
19 hours ago





Seems duplicate of workplace.stackexchange.com/q/129968/100349

– Gabrielle
19 hours ago




4




4





A "nasty comment about my experience" could simply be a legitimate or honestly held opinion that you don't like. What makes them "nasty" as opposed to just "not something you like" ? Likewise is "keeps starting at me" just your perception of it or have others commented on this ? You need more than your opinion to raise this with your boss, and we need more details (IMO) to form an opinion and useful advice.

– StephenG
9 hours ago





A "nasty comment about my experience" could simply be a legitimate or honestly held opinion that you don't like. What makes them "nasty" as opposed to just "not something you like" ? Likewise is "keeps starting at me" just your perception of it or have others commented on this ? You need more than your opinion to raise this with your boss, and we need more details (IMO) to form an opinion and useful advice.

– StephenG
9 hours ago










6 Answers
6






active

oldest

votes


















46














Before escalating to your boss, you should try to resolve whatever issue you have with your colleague first. When they make any nasty comment about you or your experience you need to respond immediately with something like:




Hey X, that comment was nasty and uncalled for. Please refrain from making such comments about me.




When he attempts to hijack your conversations you can say something like:




Excuse me X, I am discussing Y with Z at the moment. If you need to speak with either of us you can do so after we have finished our conversation.




If after directly confronting this colleague they continue to behave rudely, you can then speak with your boss about it. Try to document as much as possible and, if any of this rudeness is done electronically, save that evidence.






share|improve this answer




















  • 17





    +1, it's always good to be able to approach management after trying to handle things yourself.

    – Richard U
    19 hours ago






  • 1





    This is good advice. I had the unfortunate chance to do this when I was left no choice. As an introvert, it's always hard to start these kinds of conversations. For me I found it easy to send a private message asking to "talk in private for a few minutes" and from there it was a lot easier in the setting of a private room.

    – goamn
    10 hours ago



















30














TLDR: Your manager should not be bothered with this.



What you are describing is, at most, rude behavior. If I were in the position of your manager, I would be less than sympathetic.



My first question to you would be:




Have you spoken to him about it?




The next would be




What steps have you taken to resolve this conflict?




You need to deal with this, or at least attempt to, on a person to person manner. If you take this to management before having exhausted other methods, it could reflect poorly on you.



Going to your manager now could make you look weak and incompetent, there's a great difference with going to your manager with what you have now.




For reasons best known to him, he made a nasty comment about my experience in the industry. He also hijacks my conversations with other colleagues, keeps staring at me whenever I pass by their bay.




and something like.




Tom has been commenting on my experience, and has been disrupting my conversations. I have spoken to him about his conduct on The fifth, again on the twelfth and again on the 18th, and his behavior hasn't changed. Do you have any ideas how I should deal with him, or do you feel you need to get involved at this point?




Before you approach your manager, make sure you've taken steps to address the problem and resolve it. Do not use management as a means to take revenge on someone's rude behavior, or it could backfire terribly.






share|improve this answer




















  • 1





    I'm not in HR, but is staring not legally harassment? Are rude, personal comments not harassment? I think this transcends "rude behavior"..

    – Mars
    4 hours ago












  • @Mars No, staring is not harassment. No, one comment is not harassment. Rude, sure, but harassment is intent to intimidate. That the OP feels intimidated does not signify intent from the other person.

    – Graham
    1 hour ago











  • @Graham A quick google suggests that it IS (and is also apparently the policy of Netflix that you can't look at someone for more than 5 seconds!), but then again, I'm not a lawyer. I DO recall staring for more than a few seconds explicitly being in a couple of the sexual harassment training videos over the years, but I've worked at a good few companies, so I don't recall which. But I'm not a lawyer!

    – Mars
    1 hour ago



















7














Reading these answers, I feel like I'm missing something.



Why is it OP's responsibility to speak to an employee on another team about unprofessional behavior? From what angle would OP even approach the subject?




This is a behavioral issue in the workplace. My thoughts are that you give the manager a chance to speak from a position of authority to make it clear that the unprofessional behavior will not be tolerated. If OP wanted to escalate things, they could bypass the manager and go straight to HR for a formal complaint and that would be when things get serious.



Telling a junior employee that they aren't in middle school anymore is a job for an authority figure. I'm pretty sure if you report workplace harassment a proper manager or the HR department, they won't (or can't) ask you to go talk to your harasser.






share|improve this answer
































    3














    If this person seems to have a particular dislike for you and not others, it would probably be best to have a quick chat with them before speaking with your boss. Do this in private.



    Give them an opportunity to air any grievances; It's possible you may have done something to upset them.



    Once they are finished, explain that there are behaviours that you find offensive and that you want them to change.



    Once the discussion is over, immediately make a note of the contents of the discussion.



    Even if the meeting doesn't seem to go well, give them an opportunity to change their behaviour. Some people don't react well when confronted, but on reflection realise they are in the wrong.



    Don't expect drastic change immediately. If they continue their behaviour, small cues like a raised eyebrow, a frown, or a tilt of the head can remind them of your discussion.



    If you don't see improvement, yes, you can raise this with your boss. You can do this at any stage, you do not have to wait for your boss to be in the office.






    share|improve this answer






























      3














      Looks like a good consensus that the first engagement with the rude colleague should come from the OP.



      I disagree that it follows from this that the OP should not raise the topic with her manager.



      It all depends on how the manager sees themselves and their role in looking after the team.



      An increasingly common aspect of management is to be "manager as coach".



      The situation is in fact ideal for the OP to approach her manager and say:




      I need some help here. One of my colleagues ...



      How should I approach him to resolve this?




      This means that



      • The OP does not simply run to management to have them fix the problem.

      • Provides a record for management should things go downhill

      • Provide an opportunity for management to intervene if there is more going on; it might well be the Mr Rude has had other issues that only the manager is aware of.

      • Provides a great opportunity to have the manager help you talk about general workplace skills in dealing with colleagues and working together as a team. After you have the conversation with Mr Rude, you can have a follow up chat and explore what you have learnt.

      • Depending on the team, there may be a general culture issue (misogyny) that management should be aware of. Specific info on events makes it easier for them to deal with.





      share|improve this answer






























        0















        My main intention is to let her know about his nasty behaviour. I was wondering if I can mention about this junior to her?




        The first and most important question to answer in situations like this is "Why? What goal are you trying to achieve?"



        Are you hoping that the person will stop this behavior? And you're thinking that by telling the boss, the boss will tell the other person to stop it? If so, then that's not the way to do it. Talking to the boss should not be the first thing you do. The first thing you should do, as others have said, is to speak directly to the person about the behavior. Other answers discuss this in more detail.



        In situations like this, it's easy to look for a potential action and ask "Is this the right thing to do?" In fact, the first question should be "What is it I want to change?" Once you've answered that, you can say "Given that I want X to happen, is this the right thing to do?"






        share|improve this answer






















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          6 Answers
          6






          active

          oldest

          votes








          6 Answers
          6






          active

          oldest

          votes









          active

          oldest

          votes






          active

          oldest

          votes









          46














          Before escalating to your boss, you should try to resolve whatever issue you have with your colleague first. When they make any nasty comment about you or your experience you need to respond immediately with something like:




          Hey X, that comment was nasty and uncalled for. Please refrain from making such comments about me.




          When he attempts to hijack your conversations you can say something like:




          Excuse me X, I am discussing Y with Z at the moment. If you need to speak with either of us you can do so after we have finished our conversation.




          If after directly confronting this colleague they continue to behave rudely, you can then speak with your boss about it. Try to document as much as possible and, if any of this rudeness is done electronically, save that evidence.






          share|improve this answer




















          • 17





            +1, it's always good to be able to approach management after trying to handle things yourself.

            – Richard U
            19 hours ago






          • 1





            This is good advice. I had the unfortunate chance to do this when I was left no choice. As an introvert, it's always hard to start these kinds of conversations. For me I found it easy to send a private message asking to "talk in private for a few minutes" and from there it was a lot easier in the setting of a private room.

            – goamn
            10 hours ago
















          46














          Before escalating to your boss, you should try to resolve whatever issue you have with your colleague first. When they make any nasty comment about you or your experience you need to respond immediately with something like:




          Hey X, that comment was nasty and uncalled for. Please refrain from making such comments about me.




          When he attempts to hijack your conversations you can say something like:




          Excuse me X, I am discussing Y with Z at the moment. If you need to speak with either of us you can do so after we have finished our conversation.




          If after directly confronting this colleague they continue to behave rudely, you can then speak with your boss about it. Try to document as much as possible and, if any of this rudeness is done electronically, save that evidence.






          share|improve this answer




















          • 17





            +1, it's always good to be able to approach management after trying to handle things yourself.

            – Richard U
            19 hours ago






          • 1





            This is good advice. I had the unfortunate chance to do this when I was left no choice. As an introvert, it's always hard to start these kinds of conversations. For me I found it easy to send a private message asking to "talk in private for a few minutes" and from there it was a lot easier in the setting of a private room.

            – goamn
            10 hours ago














          46












          46








          46







          Before escalating to your boss, you should try to resolve whatever issue you have with your colleague first. When they make any nasty comment about you or your experience you need to respond immediately with something like:




          Hey X, that comment was nasty and uncalled for. Please refrain from making such comments about me.




          When he attempts to hijack your conversations you can say something like:




          Excuse me X, I am discussing Y with Z at the moment. If you need to speak with either of us you can do so after we have finished our conversation.




          If after directly confronting this colleague they continue to behave rudely, you can then speak with your boss about it. Try to document as much as possible and, if any of this rudeness is done electronically, save that evidence.






          share|improve this answer















          Before escalating to your boss, you should try to resolve whatever issue you have with your colleague first. When they make any nasty comment about you or your experience you need to respond immediately with something like:




          Hey X, that comment was nasty and uncalled for. Please refrain from making such comments about me.




          When he attempts to hijack your conversations you can say something like:




          Excuse me X, I am discussing Y with Z at the moment. If you need to speak with either of us you can do so after we have finished our conversation.




          If after directly confronting this colleague they continue to behave rudely, you can then speak with your boss about it. Try to document as much as possible and, if any of this rudeness is done electronically, save that evidence.







          share|improve this answer














          share|improve this answer



          share|improve this answer








          edited 1 hour ago









          Brian McCutchon

          1053




          1053










          answered 20 hours ago









          sf02sf02

          8,95551538




          8,95551538







          • 17





            +1, it's always good to be able to approach management after trying to handle things yourself.

            – Richard U
            19 hours ago






          • 1





            This is good advice. I had the unfortunate chance to do this when I was left no choice. As an introvert, it's always hard to start these kinds of conversations. For me I found it easy to send a private message asking to "talk in private for a few minutes" and from there it was a lot easier in the setting of a private room.

            – goamn
            10 hours ago













          • 17





            +1, it's always good to be able to approach management after trying to handle things yourself.

            – Richard U
            19 hours ago






          • 1





            This is good advice. I had the unfortunate chance to do this when I was left no choice. As an introvert, it's always hard to start these kinds of conversations. For me I found it easy to send a private message asking to "talk in private for a few minutes" and from there it was a lot easier in the setting of a private room.

            – goamn
            10 hours ago








          17




          17





          +1, it's always good to be able to approach management after trying to handle things yourself.

          – Richard U
          19 hours ago





          +1, it's always good to be able to approach management after trying to handle things yourself.

          – Richard U
          19 hours ago




          1




          1





          This is good advice. I had the unfortunate chance to do this when I was left no choice. As an introvert, it's always hard to start these kinds of conversations. For me I found it easy to send a private message asking to "talk in private for a few minutes" and from there it was a lot easier in the setting of a private room.

          – goamn
          10 hours ago






          This is good advice. I had the unfortunate chance to do this when I was left no choice. As an introvert, it's always hard to start these kinds of conversations. For me I found it easy to send a private message asking to "talk in private for a few minutes" and from there it was a lot easier in the setting of a private room.

          – goamn
          10 hours ago














          30














          TLDR: Your manager should not be bothered with this.



          What you are describing is, at most, rude behavior. If I were in the position of your manager, I would be less than sympathetic.



          My first question to you would be:




          Have you spoken to him about it?




          The next would be




          What steps have you taken to resolve this conflict?




          You need to deal with this, or at least attempt to, on a person to person manner. If you take this to management before having exhausted other methods, it could reflect poorly on you.



          Going to your manager now could make you look weak and incompetent, there's a great difference with going to your manager with what you have now.




          For reasons best known to him, he made a nasty comment about my experience in the industry. He also hijacks my conversations with other colleagues, keeps staring at me whenever I pass by their bay.




          and something like.




          Tom has been commenting on my experience, and has been disrupting my conversations. I have spoken to him about his conduct on The fifth, again on the twelfth and again on the 18th, and his behavior hasn't changed. Do you have any ideas how I should deal with him, or do you feel you need to get involved at this point?




          Before you approach your manager, make sure you've taken steps to address the problem and resolve it. Do not use management as a means to take revenge on someone's rude behavior, or it could backfire terribly.






          share|improve this answer




















          • 1





            I'm not in HR, but is staring not legally harassment? Are rude, personal comments not harassment? I think this transcends "rude behavior"..

            – Mars
            4 hours ago












          • @Mars No, staring is not harassment. No, one comment is not harassment. Rude, sure, but harassment is intent to intimidate. That the OP feels intimidated does not signify intent from the other person.

            – Graham
            1 hour ago











          • @Graham A quick google suggests that it IS (and is also apparently the policy of Netflix that you can't look at someone for more than 5 seconds!), but then again, I'm not a lawyer. I DO recall staring for more than a few seconds explicitly being in a couple of the sexual harassment training videos over the years, but I've worked at a good few companies, so I don't recall which. But I'm not a lawyer!

            – Mars
            1 hour ago
















          30














          TLDR: Your manager should not be bothered with this.



          What you are describing is, at most, rude behavior. If I were in the position of your manager, I would be less than sympathetic.



          My first question to you would be:




          Have you spoken to him about it?




          The next would be




          What steps have you taken to resolve this conflict?




          You need to deal with this, or at least attempt to, on a person to person manner. If you take this to management before having exhausted other methods, it could reflect poorly on you.



          Going to your manager now could make you look weak and incompetent, there's a great difference with going to your manager with what you have now.




          For reasons best known to him, he made a nasty comment about my experience in the industry. He also hijacks my conversations with other colleagues, keeps staring at me whenever I pass by their bay.




          and something like.




          Tom has been commenting on my experience, and has been disrupting my conversations. I have spoken to him about his conduct on The fifth, again on the twelfth and again on the 18th, and his behavior hasn't changed. Do you have any ideas how I should deal with him, or do you feel you need to get involved at this point?




          Before you approach your manager, make sure you've taken steps to address the problem and resolve it. Do not use management as a means to take revenge on someone's rude behavior, or it could backfire terribly.






          share|improve this answer




















          • 1





            I'm not in HR, but is staring not legally harassment? Are rude, personal comments not harassment? I think this transcends "rude behavior"..

            – Mars
            4 hours ago












          • @Mars No, staring is not harassment. No, one comment is not harassment. Rude, sure, but harassment is intent to intimidate. That the OP feels intimidated does not signify intent from the other person.

            – Graham
            1 hour ago











          • @Graham A quick google suggests that it IS (and is also apparently the policy of Netflix that you can't look at someone for more than 5 seconds!), but then again, I'm not a lawyer. I DO recall staring for more than a few seconds explicitly being in a couple of the sexual harassment training videos over the years, but I've worked at a good few companies, so I don't recall which. But I'm not a lawyer!

            – Mars
            1 hour ago














          30












          30








          30







          TLDR: Your manager should not be bothered with this.



          What you are describing is, at most, rude behavior. If I were in the position of your manager, I would be less than sympathetic.



          My first question to you would be:




          Have you spoken to him about it?




          The next would be




          What steps have you taken to resolve this conflict?




          You need to deal with this, or at least attempt to, on a person to person manner. If you take this to management before having exhausted other methods, it could reflect poorly on you.



          Going to your manager now could make you look weak and incompetent, there's a great difference with going to your manager with what you have now.




          For reasons best known to him, he made a nasty comment about my experience in the industry. He also hijacks my conversations with other colleagues, keeps staring at me whenever I pass by their bay.




          and something like.




          Tom has been commenting on my experience, and has been disrupting my conversations. I have spoken to him about his conduct on The fifth, again on the twelfth and again on the 18th, and his behavior hasn't changed. Do you have any ideas how I should deal with him, or do you feel you need to get involved at this point?




          Before you approach your manager, make sure you've taken steps to address the problem and resolve it. Do not use management as a means to take revenge on someone's rude behavior, or it could backfire terribly.






          share|improve this answer















          TLDR: Your manager should not be bothered with this.



          What you are describing is, at most, rude behavior. If I were in the position of your manager, I would be less than sympathetic.



          My first question to you would be:




          Have you spoken to him about it?




          The next would be




          What steps have you taken to resolve this conflict?




          You need to deal with this, or at least attempt to, on a person to person manner. If you take this to management before having exhausted other methods, it could reflect poorly on you.



          Going to your manager now could make you look weak and incompetent, there's a great difference with going to your manager with what you have now.




          For reasons best known to him, he made a nasty comment about my experience in the industry. He also hijacks my conversations with other colleagues, keeps staring at me whenever I pass by their bay.




          and something like.




          Tom has been commenting on my experience, and has been disrupting my conversations. I have spoken to him about his conduct on The fifth, again on the twelfth and again on the 18th, and his behavior hasn't changed. Do you have any ideas how I should deal with him, or do you feel you need to get involved at this point?




          Before you approach your manager, make sure you've taken steps to address the problem and resolve it. Do not use management as a means to take revenge on someone's rude behavior, or it could backfire terribly.







          share|improve this answer














          share|improve this answer



          share|improve this answer








          edited 18 hours ago

























          answered 19 hours ago









          Richard URichard U

          100k73272403




          100k73272403







          • 1





            I'm not in HR, but is staring not legally harassment? Are rude, personal comments not harassment? I think this transcends "rude behavior"..

            – Mars
            4 hours ago












          • @Mars No, staring is not harassment. No, one comment is not harassment. Rude, sure, but harassment is intent to intimidate. That the OP feels intimidated does not signify intent from the other person.

            – Graham
            1 hour ago











          • @Graham A quick google suggests that it IS (and is also apparently the policy of Netflix that you can't look at someone for more than 5 seconds!), but then again, I'm not a lawyer. I DO recall staring for more than a few seconds explicitly being in a couple of the sexual harassment training videos over the years, but I've worked at a good few companies, so I don't recall which. But I'm not a lawyer!

            – Mars
            1 hour ago













          • 1





            I'm not in HR, but is staring not legally harassment? Are rude, personal comments not harassment? I think this transcends "rude behavior"..

            – Mars
            4 hours ago












          • @Mars No, staring is not harassment. No, one comment is not harassment. Rude, sure, but harassment is intent to intimidate. That the OP feels intimidated does not signify intent from the other person.

            – Graham
            1 hour ago











          • @Graham A quick google suggests that it IS (and is also apparently the policy of Netflix that you can't look at someone for more than 5 seconds!), but then again, I'm not a lawyer. I DO recall staring for more than a few seconds explicitly being in a couple of the sexual harassment training videos over the years, but I've worked at a good few companies, so I don't recall which. But I'm not a lawyer!

            – Mars
            1 hour ago








          1




          1





          I'm not in HR, but is staring not legally harassment? Are rude, personal comments not harassment? I think this transcends "rude behavior"..

          – Mars
          4 hours ago






          I'm not in HR, but is staring not legally harassment? Are rude, personal comments not harassment? I think this transcends "rude behavior"..

          – Mars
          4 hours ago














          @Mars No, staring is not harassment. No, one comment is not harassment. Rude, sure, but harassment is intent to intimidate. That the OP feels intimidated does not signify intent from the other person.

          – Graham
          1 hour ago





          @Mars No, staring is not harassment. No, one comment is not harassment. Rude, sure, but harassment is intent to intimidate. That the OP feels intimidated does not signify intent from the other person.

          – Graham
          1 hour ago













          @Graham A quick google suggests that it IS (and is also apparently the policy of Netflix that you can't look at someone for more than 5 seconds!), but then again, I'm not a lawyer. I DO recall staring for more than a few seconds explicitly being in a couple of the sexual harassment training videos over the years, but I've worked at a good few companies, so I don't recall which. But I'm not a lawyer!

          – Mars
          1 hour ago






          @Graham A quick google suggests that it IS (and is also apparently the policy of Netflix that you can't look at someone for more than 5 seconds!), but then again, I'm not a lawyer. I DO recall staring for more than a few seconds explicitly being in a couple of the sexual harassment training videos over the years, but I've worked at a good few companies, so I don't recall which. But I'm not a lawyer!

          – Mars
          1 hour ago












          7














          Reading these answers, I feel like I'm missing something.



          Why is it OP's responsibility to speak to an employee on another team about unprofessional behavior? From what angle would OP even approach the subject?




          This is a behavioral issue in the workplace. My thoughts are that you give the manager a chance to speak from a position of authority to make it clear that the unprofessional behavior will not be tolerated. If OP wanted to escalate things, they could bypass the manager and go straight to HR for a formal complaint and that would be when things get serious.



          Telling a junior employee that they aren't in middle school anymore is a job for an authority figure. I'm pretty sure if you report workplace harassment a proper manager or the HR department, they won't (or can't) ask you to go talk to your harasser.






          share|improve this answer





























            7














            Reading these answers, I feel like I'm missing something.



            Why is it OP's responsibility to speak to an employee on another team about unprofessional behavior? From what angle would OP even approach the subject?




            This is a behavioral issue in the workplace. My thoughts are that you give the manager a chance to speak from a position of authority to make it clear that the unprofessional behavior will not be tolerated. If OP wanted to escalate things, they could bypass the manager and go straight to HR for a formal complaint and that would be when things get serious.



            Telling a junior employee that they aren't in middle school anymore is a job for an authority figure. I'm pretty sure if you report workplace harassment a proper manager or the HR department, they won't (or can't) ask you to go talk to your harasser.






            share|improve this answer



























              7












              7








              7







              Reading these answers, I feel like I'm missing something.



              Why is it OP's responsibility to speak to an employee on another team about unprofessional behavior? From what angle would OP even approach the subject?




              This is a behavioral issue in the workplace. My thoughts are that you give the manager a chance to speak from a position of authority to make it clear that the unprofessional behavior will not be tolerated. If OP wanted to escalate things, they could bypass the manager and go straight to HR for a formal complaint and that would be when things get serious.



              Telling a junior employee that they aren't in middle school anymore is a job for an authority figure. I'm pretty sure if you report workplace harassment a proper manager or the HR department, they won't (or can't) ask you to go talk to your harasser.






              share|improve this answer















              Reading these answers, I feel like I'm missing something.



              Why is it OP's responsibility to speak to an employee on another team about unprofessional behavior? From what angle would OP even approach the subject?




              This is a behavioral issue in the workplace. My thoughts are that you give the manager a chance to speak from a position of authority to make it clear that the unprofessional behavior will not be tolerated. If OP wanted to escalate things, they could bypass the manager and go straight to HR for a formal complaint and that would be when things get serious.



              Telling a junior employee that they aren't in middle school anymore is a job for an authority figure. I'm pretty sure if you report workplace harassment a proper manager or the HR department, they won't (or can't) ask you to go talk to your harasser.







              share|improve this answer














              share|improve this answer



              share|improve this answer








              edited 2 hours ago

























              answered 5 hours ago









              MarsMars

              88717




              88717





















                  3














                  If this person seems to have a particular dislike for you and not others, it would probably be best to have a quick chat with them before speaking with your boss. Do this in private.



                  Give them an opportunity to air any grievances; It's possible you may have done something to upset them.



                  Once they are finished, explain that there are behaviours that you find offensive and that you want them to change.



                  Once the discussion is over, immediately make a note of the contents of the discussion.



                  Even if the meeting doesn't seem to go well, give them an opportunity to change their behaviour. Some people don't react well when confronted, but on reflection realise they are in the wrong.



                  Don't expect drastic change immediately. If they continue their behaviour, small cues like a raised eyebrow, a frown, or a tilt of the head can remind them of your discussion.



                  If you don't see improvement, yes, you can raise this with your boss. You can do this at any stage, you do not have to wait for your boss to be in the office.






                  share|improve this answer



























                    3














                    If this person seems to have a particular dislike for you and not others, it would probably be best to have a quick chat with them before speaking with your boss. Do this in private.



                    Give them an opportunity to air any grievances; It's possible you may have done something to upset them.



                    Once they are finished, explain that there are behaviours that you find offensive and that you want them to change.



                    Once the discussion is over, immediately make a note of the contents of the discussion.



                    Even if the meeting doesn't seem to go well, give them an opportunity to change their behaviour. Some people don't react well when confronted, but on reflection realise they are in the wrong.



                    Don't expect drastic change immediately. If they continue their behaviour, small cues like a raised eyebrow, a frown, or a tilt of the head can remind them of your discussion.



                    If you don't see improvement, yes, you can raise this with your boss. You can do this at any stage, you do not have to wait for your boss to be in the office.






                    share|improve this answer

























                      3












                      3








                      3







                      If this person seems to have a particular dislike for you and not others, it would probably be best to have a quick chat with them before speaking with your boss. Do this in private.



                      Give them an opportunity to air any grievances; It's possible you may have done something to upset them.



                      Once they are finished, explain that there are behaviours that you find offensive and that you want them to change.



                      Once the discussion is over, immediately make a note of the contents of the discussion.



                      Even if the meeting doesn't seem to go well, give them an opportunity to change their behaviour. Some people don't react well when confronted, but on reflection realise they are in the wrong.



                      Don't expect drastic change immediately. If they continue their behaviour, small cues like a raised eyebrow, a frown, or a tilt of the head can remind them of your discussion.



                      If you don't see improvement, yes, you can raise this with your boss. You can do this at any stage, you do not have to wait for your boss to be in the office.






                      share|improve this answer













                      If this person seems to have a particular dislike for you and not others, it would probably be best to have a quick chat with them before speaking with your boss. Do this in private.



                      Give them an opportunity to air any grievances; It's possible you may have done something to upset them.



                      Once they are finished, explain that there are behaviours that you find offensive and that you want them to change.



                      Once the discussion is over, immediately make a note of the contents of the discussion.



                      Even if the meeting doesn't seem to go well, give them an opportunity to change their behaviour. Some people don't react well when confronted, but on reflection realise they are in the wrong.



                      Don't expect drastic change immediately. If they continue their behaviour, small cues like a raised eyebrow, a frown, or a tilt of the head can remind them of your discussion.



                      If you don't see improvement, yes, you can raise this with your boss. You can do this at any stage, you do not have to wait for your boss to be in the office.







                      share|improve this answer












                      share|improve this answer



                      share|improve this answer










                      answered 20 hours ago









                      Gregory CurrieGregory Currie

                      1,5891615




                      1,5891615





















                          3














                          Looks like a good consensus that the first engagement with the rude colleague should come from the OP.



                          I disagree that it follows from this that the OP should not raise the topic with her manager.



                          It all depends on how the manager sees themselves and their role in looking after the team.



                          An increasingly common aspect of management is to be "manager as coach".



                          The situation is in fact ideal for the OP to approach her manager and say:




                          I need some help here. One of my colleagues ...



                          How should I approach him to resolve this?




                          This means that



                          • The OP does not simply run to management to have them fix the problem.

                          • Provides a record for management should things go downhill

                          • Provide an opportunity for management to intervene if there is more going on; it might well be the Mr Rude has had other issues that only the manager is aware of.

                          • Provides a great opportunity to have the manager help you talk about general workplace skills in dealing with colleagues and working together as a team. After you have the conversation with Mr Rude, you can have a follow up chat and explore what you have learnt.

                          • Depending on the team, there may be a general culture issue (misogyny) that management should be aware of. Specific info on events makes it easier for them to deal with.





                          share|improve this answer



























                            3














                            Looks like a good consensus that the first engagement with the rude colleague should come from the OP.



                            I disagree that it follows from this that the OP should not raise the topic with her manager.



                            It all depends on how the manager sees themselves and their role in looking after the team.



                            An increasingly common aspect of management is to be "manager as coach".



                            The situation is in fact ideal for the OP to approach her manager and say:




                            I need some help here. One of my colleagues ...



                            How should I approach him to resolve this?




                            This means that



                            • The OP does not simply run to management to have them fix the problem.

                            • Provides a record for management should things go downhill

                            • Provide an opportunity for management to intervene if there is more going on; it might well be the Mr Rude has had other issues that only the manager is aware of.

                            • Provides a great opportunity to have the manager help you talk about general workplace skills in dealing with colleagues and working together as a team. After you have the conversation with Mr Rude, you can have a follow up chat and explore what you have learnt.

                            • Depending on the team, there may be a general culture issue (misogyny) that management should be aware of. Specific info on events makes it easier for them to deal with.





                            share|improve this answer

























                              3












                              3








                              3







                              Looks like a good consensus that the first engagement with the rude colleague should come from the OP.



                              I disagree that it follows from this that the OP should not raise the topic with her manager.



                              It all depends on how the manager sees themselves and their role in looking after the team.



                              An increasingly common aspect of management is to be "manager as coach".



                              The situation is in fact ideal for the OP to approach her manager and say:




                              I need some help here. One of my colleagues ...



                              How should I approach him to resolve this?




                              This means that



                              • The OP does not simply run to management to have them fix the problem.

                              • Provides a record for management should things go downhill

                              • Provide an opportunity for management to intervene if there is more going on; it might well be the Mr Rude has had other issues that only the manager is aware of.

                              • Provides a great opportunity to have the manager help you talk about general workplace skills in dealing with colleagues and working together as a team. After you have the conversation with Mr Rude, you can have a follow up chat and explore what you have learnt.

                              • Depending on the team, there may be a general culture issue (misogyny) that management should be aware of. Specific info on events makes it easier for them to deal with.





                              share|improve this answer













                              Looks like a good consensus that the first engagement with the rude colleague should come from the OP.



                              I disagree that it follows from this that the OP should not raise the topic with her manager.



                              It all depends on how the manager sees themselves and their role in looking after the team.



                              An increasingly common aspect of management is to be "manager as coach".



                              The situation is in fact ideal for the OP to approach her manager and say:




                              I need some help here. One of my colleagues ...



                              How should I approach him to resolve this?




                              This means that



                              • The OP does not simply run to management to have them fix the problem.

                              • Provides a record for management should things go downhill

                              • Provide an opportunity for management to intervene if there is more going on; it might well be the Mr Rude has had other issues that only the manager is aware of.

                              • Provides a great opportunity to have the manager help you talk about general workplace skills in dealing with colleagues and working together as a team. After you have the conversation with Mr Rude, you can have a follow up chat and explore what you have learnt.

                              • Depending on the team, there may be a general culture issue (misogyny) that management should be aware of. Specific info on events makes it easier for them to deal with.






                              share|improve this answer












                              share|improve this answer



                              share|improve this answer










                              answered 9 hours ago









                              KeithKeith

                              50624




                              50624





















                                  0















                                  My main intention is to let her know about his nasty behaviour. I was wondering if I can mention about this junior to her?




                                  The first and most important question to answer in situations like this is "Why? What goal are you trying to achieve?"



                                  Are you hoping that the person will stop this behavior? And you're thinking that by telling the boss, the boss will tell the other person to stop it? If so, then that's not the way to do it. Talking to the boss should not be the first thing you do. The first thing you should do, as others have said, is to speak directly to the person about the behavior. Other answers discuss this in more detail.



                                  In situations like this, it's easy to look for a potential action and ask "Is this the right thing to do?" In fact, the first question should be "What is it I want to change?" Once you've answered that, you can say "Given that I want X to happen, is this the right thing to do?"






                                  share|improve this answer



























                                    0















                                    My main intention is to let her know about his nasty behaviour. I was wondering if I can mention about this junior to her?




                                    The first and most important question to answer in situations like this is "Why? What goal are you trying to achieve?"



                                    Are you hoping that the person will stop this behavior? And you're thinking that by telling the boss, the boss will tell the other person to stop it? If so, then that's not the way to do it. Talking to the boss should not be the first thing you do. The first thing you should do, as others have said, is to speak directly to the person about the behavior. Other answers discuss this in more detail.



                                    In situations like this, it's easy to look for a potential action and ask "Is this the right thing to do?" In fact, the first question should be "What is it I want to change?" Once you've answered that, you can say "Given that I want X to happen, is this the right thing to do?"






                                    share|improve this answer

























                                      0












                                      0








                                      0








                                      My main intention is to let her know about his nasty behaviour. I was wondering if I can mention about this junior to her?




                                      The first and most important question to answer in situations like this is "Why? What goal are you trying to achieve?"



                                      Are you hoping that the person will stop this behavior? And you're thinking that by telling the boss, the boss will tell the other person to stop it? If so, then that's not the way to do it. Talking to the boss should not be the first thing you do. The first thing you should do, as others have said, is to speak directly to the person about the behavior. Other answers discuss this in more detail.



                                      In situations like this, it's easy to look for a potential action and ask "Is this the right thing to do?" In fact, the first question should be "What is it I want to change?" Once you've answered that, you can say "Given that I want X to happen, is this the right thing to do?"






                                      share|improve this answer














                                      My main intention is to let her know about his nasty behaviour. I was wondering if I can mention about this junior to her?




                                      The first and most important question to answer in situations like this is "Why? What goal are you trying to achieve?"



                                      Are you hoping that the person will stop this behavior? And you're thinking that by telling the boss, the boss will tell the other person to stop it? If so, then that's not the way to do it. Talking to the boss should not be the first thing you do. The first thing you should do, as others have said, is to speak directly to the person about the behavior. Other answers discuss this in more detail.



                                      In situations like this, it's easy to look for a potential action and ask "Is this the right thing to do?" In fact, the first question should be "What is it I want to change?" Once you've answered that, you can say "Given that I want X to happen, is this the right thing to do?"







                                      share|improve this answer












                                      share|improve this answer



                                      share|improve this answer










                                      answered 8 hours ago









                                      Andy LesterAndy Lester

                                      1,307713




                                      1,307713



























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