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How to write cleanly even if my character uses expletive language?
Using expletives in an essayHow to master literary American English as a second language?conversation language translationCan a foreign language novel have English character names?What font should I use to write alien language?How to write long extracts in a foreign language?What language should I write my programming blog post in?How to write dialogue for someone who is intelligent but barely speaks the language?How do I indicate that my character is speaking a different language than the one used for narration?How to interpret a language from a non-speaker's perspective?British / American language mishmash
I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.
Should I:
- describe, as in:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
- or should I use made-up terms, such as
frak
from Battlestar Galactica:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
also, I could use a milder word like
crap
,shoot
, and the likes.Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.
technique language profanity
New contributor
|
show 2 more comments
I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.
Should I:
- describe, as in:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
- or should I use made-up terms, such as
frak
from Battlestar Galactica:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
also, I could use a milder word like
crap
,shoot
, and the likes.Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.
technique language profanity
New contributor
5
Number one. Use your first choice.
– DPT
14 hours ago
In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.
– imatowrite
14 hours ago
1
Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.
– DPT
14 hours ago
1
What about simply writing the expletive out? Why isn't that an option? I've certainly (albeit rarely) seen it in writing, but honestly more often in non-US writing. American seem to overly concerned about expletives...
– Polygnome
6 hours ago
2
@Polygnome OP states target audience includes younger readers. Expletives that are acceptable in works for adults are very much less acceptable in children's literature.
– Galastel
3 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.
Should I:
- describe, as in:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
- or should I use made-up terms, such as
frak
from Battlestar Galactica:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
also, I could use a milder word like
crap
,shoot
, and the likes.Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.
technique language profanity
New contributor
I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.
Should I:
- describe, as in:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
- or should I use made-up terms, such as
frak
from Battlestar Galactica:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
also, I could use a milder word like
crap
,shoot
, and the likes.Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.
Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.
technique language profanity
technique language profanity
New contributor
New contributor
edited 14 hours ago
imatowrite
New contributor
asked 14 hours ago
imatowriteimatowrite
39412
39412
New contributor
New contributor
5
Number one. Use your first choice.
– DPT
14 hours ago
In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.
– imatowrite
14 hours ago
1
Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.
– DPT
14 hours ago
1
What about simply writing the expletive out? Why isn't that an option? I've certainly (albeit rarely) seen it in writing, but honestly more often in non-US writing. American seem to overly concerned about expletives...
– Polygnome
6 hours ago
2
@Polygnome OP states target audience includes younger readers. Expletives that are acceptable in works for adults are very much less acceptable in children's literature.
– Galastel
3 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
5
Number one. Use your first choice.
– DPT
14 hours ago
In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.
– imatowrite
14 hours ago
1
Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.
– DPT
14 hours ago
1
What about simply writing the expletive out? Why isn't that an option? I've certainly (albeit rarely) seen it in writing, but honestly more often in non-US writing. American seem to overly concerned about expletives...
– Polygnome
6 hours ago
2
@Polygnome OP states target audience includes younger readers. Expletives that are acceptable in works for adults are very much less acceptable in children's literature.
– Galastel
3 hours ago
5
5
Number one. Use your first choice.
– DPT
14 hours ago
Number one. Use your first choice.
– DPT
14 hours ago
In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.
– imatowrite
14 hours ago
In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.
– imatowrite
14 hours ago
1
1
Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.
– DPT
14 hours ago
Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.
– DPT
14 hours ago
1
1
What about simply writing the expletive out? Why isn't that an option? I've certainly (albeit rarely) seen it in writing, but honestly more often in non-US writing. American seem to overly concerned about expletives...
– Polygnome
6 hours ago
What about simply writing the expletive out? Why isn't that an option? I've certainly (albeit rarely) seen it in writing, but honestly more often in non-US writing. American seem to overly concerned about expletives...
– Polygnome
6 hours ago
2
2
@Polygnome OP states target audience includes younger readers. Expletives that are acceptable in works for adults are very much less acceptable in children's literature.
– Galastel
3 hours ago
@Polygnome OP states target audience includes younger readers. Expletives that are acceptable in works for adults are very much less acceptable in children's literature.
– Galastel
3 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
Each usage has its place.
#1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.
#2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.
#3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.
#4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.
deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.
– Mazura
12 hours ago
1
#4 not neccesarily out of immersion, but certainly comedic effect. I worked with a bloke who had been told to tone it down, and he actually spoke like that: "I've 'king had it with these 'king snakes on this 'king plane" for example.
– Chris H
5 hours ago
3
Also with #1, if you allow the reader to insert their own curse words into the situation (mental ninja stuff going on here), the word they come up with in their brain is going to be a bad word to their way of thinking. A child reading it will have a different word in mind than would an adult, but neither would be wrong. This type of thing was used in the movie Seven, where they didn't explicitly show you what had happened, but rather left it up to the viewers imagination. IMHO, the effect was far broader because the mind can come up with things they could never show on the screen.
– Pᴀᴜʟsᴛᴇʀ2
2 hours ago
add a comment |
Maybe you can use a spoonerism?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism
However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).
For example:
Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
fhis!".
Check this example as a reference:
Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
(often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
heard very often from LSU fans.
add a comment |
Going with your first idea, develop some character interactions, then once they're established you can elide the actual profanity.
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. From downstairs they
heard the sound of a book slamming shut and their mother's footsteps
approached the bottom of the staircase. Charlie braced for a stern
rebuke.
New contributor
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3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
Each usage has its place.
#1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.
#2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.
#3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.
#4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.
deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.
– Mazura
12 hours ago
1
#4 not neccesarily out of immersion, but certainly comedic effect. I worked with a bloke who had been told to tone it down, and he actually spoke like that: "I've 'king had it with these 'king snakes on this 'king plane" for example.
– Chris H
5 hours ago
3
Also with #1, if you allow the reader to insert their own curse words into the situation (mental ninja stuff going on here), the word they come up with in their brain is going to be a bad word to their way of thinking. A child reading it will have a different word in mind than would an adult, but neither would be wrong. This type of thing was used in the movie Seven, where they didn't explicitly show you what had happened, but rather left it up to the viewers imagination. IMHO, the effect was far broader because the mind can come up with things they could never show on the screen.
– Pᴀᴜʟsᴛᴇʀ2
2 hours ago
add a comment |
Each usage has its place.
#1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.
#2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.
#3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.
#4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.
deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.
– Mazura
12 hours ago
1
#4 not neccesarily out of immersion, but certainly comedic effect. I worked with a bloke who had been told to tone it down, and he actually spoke like that: "I've 'king had it with these 'king snakes on this 'king plane" for example.
– Chris H
5 hours ago
3
Also with #1, if you allow the reader to insert their own curse words into the situation (mental ninja stuff going on here), the word they come up with in their brain is going to be a bad word to their way of thinking. A child reading it will have a different word in mind than would an adult, but neither would be wrong. This type of thing was used in the movie Seven, where they didn't explicitly show you what had happened, but rather left it up to the viewers imagination. IMHO, the effect was far broader because the mind can come up with things they could never show on the screen.
– Pᴀᴜʟsᴛᴇʀ2
2 hours ago
add a comment |
Each usage has its place.
#1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.
#2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.
#3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.
#4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.
Each usage has its place.
#1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.
#2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.
#3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.
#4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.
answered 14 hours ago
GalastelGalastel
36k6108193
36k6108193
deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.
– Mazura
12 hours ago
1
#4 not neccesarily out of immersion, but certainly comedic effect. I worked with a bloke who had been told to tone it down, and he actually spoke like that: "I've 'king had it with these 'king snakes on this 'king plane" for example.
– Chris H
5 hours ago
3
Also with #1, if you allow the reader to insert their own curse words into the situation (mental ninja stuff going on here), the word they come up with in their brain is going to be a bad word to their way of thinking. A child reading it will have a different word in mind than would an adult, but neither would be wrong. This type of thing was used in the movie Seven, where they didn't explicitly show you what had happened, but rather left it up to the viewers imagination. IMHO, the effect was far broader because the mind can come up with things they could never show on the screen.
– Pᴀᴜʟsᴛᴇʀ2
2 hours ago
add a comment |
deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.
– Mazura
12 hours ago
1
#4 not neccesarily out of immersion, but certainly comedic effect. I worked with a bloke who had been told to tone it down, and he actually spoke like that: "I've 'king had it with these 'king snakes on this 'king plane" for example.
– Chris H
5 hours ago
3
Also with #1, if you allow the reader to insert their own curse words into the situation (mental ninja stuff going on here), the word they come up with in their brain is going to be a bad word to their way of thinking. A child reading it will have a different word in mind than would an adult, but neither would be wrong. This type of thing was used in the movie Seven, where they didn't explicitly show you what had happened, but rather left it up to the viewers imagination. IMHO, the effect was far broader because the mind can come up with things they could never show on the screen.
– Pᴀᴜʟsᴛᴇʀ2
2 hours ago
deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.
– Mazura
12 hours ago
deliberate effect, +1. OP should watch A Christmas Story.
– Mazura
12 hours ago
1
1
#4 not neccesarily out of immersion, but certainly comedic effect. I worked with a bloke who had been told to tone it down, and he actually spoke like that: "I've 'king had it with these 'king snakes on this 'king plane" for example.
– Chris H
5 hours ago
#4 not neccesarily out of immersion, but certainly comedic effect. I worked with a bloke who had been told to tone it down, and he actually spoke like that: "I've 'king had it with these 'king snakes on this 'king plane" for example.
– Chris H
5 hours ago
3
3
Also with #1, if you allow the reader to insert their own curse words into the situation (mental ninja stuff going on here), the word they come up with in their brain is going to be a bad word to their way of thinking. A child reading it will have a different word in mind than would an adult, but neither would be wrong. This type of thing was used in the movie Seven, where they didn't explicitly show you what had happened, but rather left it up to the viewers imagination. IMHO, the effect was far broader because the mind can come up with things they could never show on the screen.
– Pᴀᴜʟsᴛᴇʀ2
2 hours ago
Also with #1, if you allow the reader to insert their own curse words into the situation (mental ninja stuff going on here), the word they come up with in their brain is going to be a bad word to their way of thinking. A child reading it will have a different word in mind than would an adult, but neither would be wrong. This type of thing was used in the movie Seven, where they didn't explicitly show you what had happened, but rather left it up to the viewers imagination. IMHO, the effect was far broader because the mind can come up with things they could never show on the screen.
– Pᴀᴜʟsᴛᴇʀ2
2 hours ago
add a comment |
Maybe you can use a spoonerism?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism
However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).
For example:
Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
fhis!".
Check this example as a reference:
Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
(often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
heard very often from LSU fans.
add a comment |
Maybe you can use a spoonerism?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism
However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).
For example:
Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
fhis!".
Check this example as a reference:
Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
(often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
heard very often from LSU fans.
add a comment |
Maybe you can use a spoonerism?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism
However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).
For example:
Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
fhis!".
Check this example as a reference:
Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
(often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
heard very often from LSU fans.
Maybe you can use a spoonerism?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism
However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).
For example:
Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
fhis!".
Check this example as a reference:
Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
(often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
heard very often from LSU fans.
answered 14 hours ago
repomonsterrepomonster
2,2271136
2,2271136
add a comment |
add a comment |
Going with your first idea, develop some character interactions, then once they're established you can elide the actual profanity.
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. From downstairs they
heard the sound of a book slamming shut and their mother's footsteps
approached the bottom of the staircase. Charlie braced for a stern
rebuke.
New contributor
add a comment |
Going with your first idea, develop some character interactions, then once they're established you can elide the actual profanity.
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. From downstairs they
heard the sound of a book slamming shut and their mother's footsteps
approached the bottom of the staircase. Charlie braced for a stern
rebuke.
New contributor
add a comment |
Going with your first idea, develop some character interactions, then once they're established you can elide the actual profanity.
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. From downstairs they
heard the sound of a book slamming shut and their mother's footsteps
approached the bottom of the staircase. Charlie braced for a stern
rebuke.
New contributor
Going with your first idea, develop some character interactions, then once they're established you can elide the actual profanity.
Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. From downstairs they
heard the sound of a book slamming shut and their mother's footsteps
approached the bottom of the staircase. Charlie braced for a stern
rebuke.
New contributor
edited 3 hours ago
Galastel
36k6108193
36k6108193
New contributor
answered 3 hours ago
etnhwqthwe35y21etnhwqthwe35y21
211
211
New contributor
New contributor
add a comment |
add a comment |
imatowrite is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
imatowrite is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
imatowrite is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
imatowrite is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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5
Number one. Use your first choice.
– DPT
14 hours ago
In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.
– imatowrite
14 hours ago
1
Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.
– DPT
14 hours ago
1
What about simply writing the expletive out? Why isn't that an option? I've certainly (albeit rarely) seen it in writing, but honestly more often in non-US writing. American seem to overly concerned about expletives...
– Polygnome
6 hours ago
2
@Polygnome OP states target audience includes younger readers. Expletives that are acceptable in works for adults are very much less acceptable in children's literature.
– Galastel
3 hours ago